the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
