I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Alive.
So much puke
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
