So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
