i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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