Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
