Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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