Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
