i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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