New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
