it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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