I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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