What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
