My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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