Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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