I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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