also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
