I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I need to calm my uterus...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
