____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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