I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
There's always time for handjobs
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
