I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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