So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
