You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize