All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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