Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
