So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
The ass gains better be worth it
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