im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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