I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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