I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
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i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
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I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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