Acid is not a monday night drug
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
