Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
