HIV tests are more positive than that guy
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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