thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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