You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
