just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize