Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
