It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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