In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
