Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
