i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I bet he comes in French.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
