I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
