I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
