Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
