Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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