Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
