Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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