Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
is wine microwaveable?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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