he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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