the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
