I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
