That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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