I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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