It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
