i was rollin on her like bob the builder
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
