did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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