why didn't you poke me back
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
