Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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