yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
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I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
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Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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