I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
