i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
