i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
