Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
