Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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